Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Let the Dick Sucking Begin!!!!!!!!!!!!

Odds on who's cock Joe Buck and Tim McCarver will have to talk around during the Indians and Red Sox ALCS:

6-1 Mike Lowell: He's a gutty veteran who gives it his all every out, every at bat. He's classy and respectable and has the perfect name for the region. I see it either as a boom or bust series for Lowell, he could either totally annihilate the Tribe because he's getting ignored in lieu of Manny and Big Papi, or he folds like flexible Chinese Circus woman.

4-1 Curt Shilling: If this happens, please kill me. It's going to be a close race to see who's sucking Curt dry more: Joe Buck or Curt himself. He's over the hill and the epitome of a narcissist. I'd wish death on him, but he'd find a way to annoy people from the grave. Screw him and his holier-than-thou attitude. How hasn't some liberal Chowdah-head not killed this Republican slut yet?

3-1 Manny: I still love Manny. I'm so conflicted. For Christ's sake, how could you not love this guy. He's so clueless and so childlike, all he's doing is having fun. And when he doesn't have fun, he throws a tantrum like a 5 year old. Oh and he's probably been the most consistently productive right handed hitter for the last, oh, 12 years.

5-2 Beckett: See, this has already happened once in 2003. Beckett is a helluva power pitcher. His stuff is almost unparalleled with a moving fastball in the high 90's and a curve that drops 3 feet and is 20 mph slower. He's killer in money situations and can go the distance without breaking a sweat. Still, the amount of dicksucking will determine the amount of dislike.

2-1 Ortiz: He's bordering on overkill. If he wasn't such a happy and likable guy, he'd be public enemy no. 1. The problem isn't with him at all, he has that Manny appeal. The problem is with the Red Sox fans, who are by far and away the most obnoxious fanbase in professional sports. As we've seen with Jeter, you can't keep up coming through in late innings all the time. It just doesn't work that way. That said, he's still dangerous and is rounding into form.

Fuck 'em all. We all know Dane Cook is going down on all of them tonight. BOSTON BUKAKE!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

My money's on Ortiz for game 1. They've gotta start off on the biggest star the Red Sox got, then work their way down to the rest as the series goes on, piling on the shit every step of the way. By game seven they'll call it as being between Boston and Boston, winner going on to play Boston in the World Series of Boston (held in New York).

I'm gonna put a side bet on them saying the phrase, "Manny being Manny" 11 times.

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Jim said...

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