The Neck Beard Speaks too Much

Thanks to the guys over at Basketbawful, I have been reminded why I spent 3 1/2 years mocking Drew Gooden's very existence. He has been quoted as saying the following:

"Yes, I can. And I will continue to work to get better at it. This is something that's not new to me, but I've got to brush off some of the old tools and put them back into use. Because I have had a couple years [playing with LeBron James] where I was the guy that goes out, works hard and grabs rebounds and becomes a defender with offensive capabilities...

"I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes.

"I believe that I can do it all. And confidence is the number one factor when it comes to offense. I can score in the post; I can score with my back to the basket, face up."

My big problem with Drew is that he thinks he can be and should be considered the same caliber player as other PF's by the likes of Dwight Howard, Boozer, Nowitzki, KG, Al Jeff and so on. Drew, you're not anywhere near those guys. Not even close buddy. Your problem is that when you get the ball, you think that you are the one who should be making the "big play" or the "highlight reel" dunk. You can't consistently hit a 10-17 foot jumper, but you think you can shoot. For a guy who is 6'10" and 250lbs. you are a distinct waste of size. You're not content just being a role player and for that you'll always be good enough to have a job in the NBA, but you'll never have the attitude to be a solid contributer on any team. Congrats, you beat up on the Atlanta Hawks. Sure they are having a good season by Hawk standards, but come on, one good game in your last who the hell knows how many. Great follow up performance. Thats the Drew I've come to know and hate.

I'm glad he's gone from the Cavs. Sure his PER has gone up significantly since joining the Bulls, but whose wouldn't? You're playing for a team who doesn't have a coach. You're playing for a team that is 22 1/2 games out of first in their division, that is 3-7 in their last 10, that is the 8th worst team in the league, and the 4th worst in the division. Luckily, you're still in the East, Drew. The Bulls are miraculously only 3 games out of the final playoff spot. That's sure a step up too. You went from a team with consecutive 50 win seasons to a team that can't spell consecutive. You have no one to answer to. You have the green light whenever because no one cares. Your coach won't be there next year, so he's just happy to be calling the shots. You're career is destined to take off from here...

In his final half season with the Cavs, Drew had this strange habit of looking at his hands if he were ever to make a few jumpers in a row. Yeah Drew, we are all just as surprised as you are that you hit 3 consecutive 10 foot jumpers. My 7th graders could do that on a consistent basis. This is a guy who says he feels like he can "shoot threes". Surprisingly he's taken 133 three point attempts in his illustrious career, making a whopping 30 of them for a 22.6% average. Here Drew, this is what I'll do for you. I'll write a letter to your coach for you:

Dear Jim Boylan,

Please design your next game plan around Drew's outside shooting touch and his finesse from beyond the arch. Please? At least try it on the last game of the year. What do you have to lose? It'll go down in history as the greatest single performance by a neck beard. And by greatest single performance I mean funniest single performance.

Thanks,

The Real A.C.

How can he insinuate that playing with Lebron James has hurt his career/production? Thats the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Yeah Drew, I 'd hate playing with the best player in the league too. I mean Lebron only gets every player on the court involved and does everything for his team. That sounds terrible. News flash Drew, you're not as good as you think you are. You need to just keep your mouth shut. If you are quiet and just play the game the way that its supposed to be played, you could be a decent player. You have the size to do it. Just stop trying to be a super star every time you get some touches. You'll never be the player you want to be. Be happy you have a job in the league and fill the role that your team asks you to fill; be a team player. Oh and stop doing stupid things like dunking the ball and hanging on the rim to show off after the whistle has blown. How old are you, 12? I will say that he does have a killer beard (the one on his face, not on his neck).

[Basketbawful]