This is going to be my version of everyone's favorite feature, POWER RANKINGS. I don't like doing it the traditional way, however, instead I like to separate the teams into tiers that reflect their status. The traditional way just has too much room for argument and too many contradictary instances that create this giant clusterfuck that I can't stand. Plus, outside of 1 or 2, 31 or 32, does it really matter where you are?
So instead I'm going to designate classes based on the Nutritional Pyramid.
Protein is the most important nutritional thingee there is. It is the foundation for human muscles and tissue, therefore, these teams represent the most complete teams.
New England Patriots
New York Giants
San Diego Chargers
The most calorie dense macronutrient, fats contain 9 calories per gram (as opposed to 4 calories/gram in proteins and carbs). These teams are powerpacked in one region, yet the deficiencies are going to keep them from being complete this year, but they have much potential for growth AND staying power.
Cleveland Browns - Defense?
Baltimore Ravens - Offense?
Jacksonville Jaguars - Quinn Gray for the next few weeks? Enjoy!
New Orleans Saints
Green Bay Packers
While important, the lack of a full amino acid profile doesn't a complete diet make. These teams, while good, just don't complete the equation without some help.
While an important source of nutrients, the lack of calorie content hurts their value as actual food. Think about it. Vegetarian hippies eat nothing but Veggies and they look like pale, skinny motherfuckers. These are those teams that have some value, but just don't have any substance.
Minnesota Vikings - FUCKING PLAY ADRIAN PETERSON MORE!!!!!!!
St. Louis Rams - I refuse to call this a bad team. Injuries derailed this offense, total fluke.
Kansas City Chiefs
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
No substance. No value. These teams are just plain shitty.
San Francisco 49ers
New York Jets
Miami Dolphins - they will be the worst team for the next 3 years.