Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I Would Console Falcons Fans...But I Won't

How shitty would it be to be an Atlanta Falcons fan right now? The answer: REAL SHITTY. Just about as shitty as it gets. As shitty as being neck deep in a pile of dung.

You watched as the face of your franchise dragged his ass along the carpet, leaving one nasty skid mark. Then, less than a year after you hire the guy, the coach responsible for turning the franchise around and utilizing this $100 million weapon, tucks his tail between his legs and leaves you...TO GO TO ARKANSAS. Now you have no QB, a roster unsuited for any style of play other than the one Mike Vick ran, no coach, the one talented guy remaining on your roster wants out and you have incompetence running rampant throughout the front office.

Seriously...ARKANSAS. How bad must your organization be if your head coach, already one of the highest paid members of the coaching fraterity, leaves one of the 32 most coveted jobs in all sports in the jewel of the South, an awesome developing city...for ARKANSAS...FOR LESS MONEY.

Arkansas sucks. It's kinda like the shitty parts of Texas, except shittier. It has all the negative aspects of Texas' personality and is a failed genetic experiment between retarded Cajuns and hillbilly Ozark people. Again, Petrino, for less money, freely decided to get out of his contract early, the one that paid him a considerable fortune and employed him in a gorgeous city, to go to America's Taint. Arkansas is basically the state equivelant of when you don't shower for 3 days and you go on this huge camping trip and the day you get home, you're too tired to shower and just want to go to sleep. The smell and texture of the sweat confined in your drawers and the feeling of your tangled taint hair is what Arkansas is as a province. Arkansas sucks that bad, no culture outside of Wal-Mart, not the best weather, no big cities other than Little Rock (tho, there are a lot of little crack rocks) and a school that has been known as the most drama filled university with an overinflated view of itself.

God, it must suck to be a Falcons fan.

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