Can the Browns Get Some Chunkies Please?

First off, I'd like to say 'thank you' to my partner in crime at this bitch for having the attention span to actually do a mock draft. I sure as hell didn't want to do it, I have no idea who half of these guys are at this point as I've had a hardcore NBA-addiction for the last 2 months.

Really quickly...Starbucks makes one helluva Mocha. This thing makes me want to ski.

Anyways, free agency starts this evening, well, technically tomorrow, but I consider midnight to still be the same...you get it.

So what do I think the Browns should do? GET THE FATTEST MOTHERFUCKERS YOU CAN FIND!!!! I want fat fucks. Guys who look like they have a bag of fertilizer in their stomach. Guys who are so fat, the area underneath their man-titties gets irritated by walking upstairs and breaks out in sores. Guys who scare the shit out of Chinese-buffet owners and small children alike.

In case you haven't read this (and I'm willing to be not many people do/have), I feel the Browns are a defensive line away from being a playoff team. All their problems on defense stem from the fact that they couldn't generate any pressure up front and got manhandled one-on-one leaving guards to get open cracks at our middle linebackers.

It didn't help that D'Qwell is already an undersized MLB or that Leon Williams is too athletic for his own good at this point or that Andra Davis is over the hill (really hurts me to say that), but it's not easy to get around an NFL guard that doesn't even consider blocking a d-lineman. How is Kamerion Wimbley supposed to generate a pass rush when he's the only guy on the defense that opponents actually tried to block?

It's not Phil or Romeo's fault, it's just the way things fell. Let's face it, the Steelers pretty much have the market cornered on 3-4 defensive ends and there is a premium on gigantic, 350 lb+ men who can take up 2 blockers, so it's not like these guys are available every day. Plus, dealing with a variety of roster issues, the d-line took a backseat to other, more pressing issues, leaving us with good depth in the defensive backfield and linebacking corps. Now, like last years' o-line attention, it's the d-line's turn.

I like Justin Smith. He wasn't 'productive' in Cincy because they have their heads up their asses. He's a great run-stopping DE and is tailor made for the 3-4. The only problem is Pittsburgh is after him too so there's some competition. I REALLY like Corey Williams the DT from Green Bay. I feel he can play the NT as well as anyone we have right now, and a 3 man line with Smith, Williams and Shaun Smith would be a tough unit to deal with. The chances of us landing them both? Slim. But in Phil We Trust.

UPDATE: Corey Williams had the Franchise Tag placed on him. so there goes that idea. Don't sleep on the Browns' picking up Red Bryant, the NT from Texas A&M.

UPDATE NO. 2: According to the brilliance that is PFT...the Browns have reached an agreement with the Packers which will see Corey Williams come to Cleveland. No word yet on who we're giving up. Hmm...I'd have to guess either Sean Jones or Brodney Pool as the one weakness the Pack had were good safeties and DT's like Williams don't come cheap. This is pure speculation on my part so...

UPDATE NO. 3: ESPN says the trade is for a second-round draft pick. Hmm...Corey Williams is definitely worth it as he's athletic enough to slide over to play DE but is made for the NT. He's Shaun Smith with a ton more talent and speed, HELLUVA pickup. Now we need Steinbach to convince Justin Smith to sign here and we'll be made in the shade.