Here's the Fucking Difference, Asshat...

Read this...

OMG OMG OMG!!! THE NFL GETS A FREE PASS WHEN IT COMES TO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS!!! WHY DOESN'T BASEBALL GET THE SAME THING???

Wanna know why? Because baseball is a pussy sport. Baseball is for white guys who have nothing better to do in the summer than get outside and hit a ball of yarn around, run some bases, make a catch, maybe throw a little bit...there's no physicality. Don't give me that bullshit like, "oh, but what about sliding into 2nd base? That's physical. And what about diving around in the outfield? Hmm?" Come on. There's a difference between having a 185 lb. guy jumping over your head and having 11 freaks of physical nature playing an obscenely fast game of Smear the Queer.

Baseball isn't a game of speed. Sure, there are a few good athletes who steal bases and whatnot, but the number of those guys are severely outnumbered by the fat, out of shape guys who have a few good baseball skills, but would be generously called athletes.

Here's my analogy. Say you're comparing baseball and football to cars. Baseball would be an old Caddilac, admired for it's classic charm, but in terms of performance, is way behind. Football would be a souped up Dodge Ram pickup. It needs to carry a lot of shit and put out a lot of power.

In order to get your classic Caddy to get to it's prime condition, you don't need to soup up the engine and increase it's horsepower. In order to get your Ram in top condition, you do need that shit.

PED's are an unnecessary feature in baseball, you DON'T NEED THEM. They're essentially pointless because the benefits you acquire are not really going to help you win a game. If you're stronger than someone else, the other person can still win. If you can throw an extra 10 mph, that means jack shit if it goes in a straight line. PED's in baseball are a joke, they're worthless and the only thing they do is skew baseball's precious "numbers."

PED's in football are a necessity. The game is predicated on who is stronger. It is a game of physicality, of CONCRETE physicality rather than some artificially manufactured physicality that baseball seems to need to adopt. If someone is stronger than you, you lose, period. If each NFL player is a high-powered auto, then they need high octane fuel, which is why nobody cares if an NFL player gets caught doing steroids.

People aren't dumb, they notice the difference. No matter how many articles you write extolling the virtues of baseball as a physical game, it isn't. It's behind football, boxing, hockey, basketball, lacrosse, hell, even track. PED's in football are seen as part of the gig, kinda like pot and musicians. People understand that PED's in baseball are there only so a few guys can inflate their stats a little more.

PED's in baseball are the same thing as high-powered stock brokers taking advantage of certain loopholes in IRS policies and regulations. Most people can't take advantage of them, and even when they do, they don't really give them that much of an edge in hiding their income from taxation or increasing investment returns. But when high net worth clients do the same thing, they benefit greatly from it. Think about it. Fernando Vina and Roger Clemens both had some serious dirt. Vina didn't benefit off of PED's because he wasn't good to begin with. Clemens benefited greatly because he is one of the few great ones who could actually push themself to a higher level.

Now imagine if everyone was a high net worth client. This is the NFL. There aren't shitty athletes in the NFL. These guys are the cream of the genetic crop, the guys who have the abilities to achieve a higher level of greatness with PED's. The entire league benefits off the use of PED's, and people know this.

The difference between baseball and football is that baseball players are actual people. We can connect with a fat fuck like David Wells or Sidney Ponson. The majority of people look at a guy like David Eckstein and think, "shit, if I could hit a ball and throw, I'd probably be just as good as he is." Nobody can connect with a football player (or basketball player for that matter). The only people who can really connect with an NFL player are other NFL players. There just aren't that many 6'5'' 250 lb. guys with less than 10% bodyfat who can outrun a speed limit walking around out there. Who would fit in at a mall better: Scott Rolen or Adalius Thomas? There you go.

So when people give NFL players a pass when it comes to PED's, it's not because they don't care, it's because they think it's necessary. It's a means of survival when probably everyone is juicing and there's a legit chance you could get hurt if you're not as strong as possible. In baseball, the whole reason to take PED's is for your own legacy, to make more money, to strike a few more guys out, to hit a few more home runs. It's not necessary. Would people be as upset if guys like Barry Bonds and Clemens were just regular schmoe's? Probably not. But these guys were Hall of Famers before they started allegedly taking PED's, which is the shitty thing. They didn't need to, they were already better. Brian Roberts and Fernando Vina, even with their PED use, aren't even on the same planet as pre-roids Bonds and Clemens. THAT'S why people get pissed at baseball players.

Let's End This Whole Steroid Business...

I'm still salty from Sunday night, it really fucked up my week. Whenever any of the Cleveland teams lose in such heartbreaking fashion, it's hard for me to go to my favorite sites online because I don't like rehashing bad feelings. Sure it sounds immature and childish, like just ignoring problems until they go away, but I just hate reading about a loss. That and I can't stand the winning team because, almost always, they don't deserve it. I wouldn't care if it was a football team full of AIDS patients with 3 days to live who beat the Browns in an overtime thriller, they just don't deserve it...

Anyways, I'm not going to touch the whole Paul Byrd "scandal" either even though it's more of an indictment on George Mitchell being an incredible douchebag than Paul Byrd "cheating" to cure a tumor. It probably wouldn't have turned the series, but it just seems shitty in general, especially to someone who doesn't look bloated and gargantuan and especially to a pitcher whose fastball tops out at 87 mph. But my point is this...Mitchell and Selig, you really want to finish this whole performance enhancing drug business? There's a really simple solution that you probably could have thought of...but then again you're retards.

WHAT ABOUT A MASS DRUG TEST FOR THE ENTIRE LEAGUE, UNDER LEAGUE SUPERVISION, ON ONE WEEK?

This isn't hard to do. You send officials, you know, guys you pay to supervise the league to maintain competitive balance, to each MLB team practice facility all during the same week. You test every uniformed member of the clubhouse and team. There is no way that anyone could cheat, anyone could get shit out of their system, no way around it. You would catch every cheater in MLB. See, not so hard?

Spare me the union linguistics about not being fair to the players. The players are employed by MLB, not their teams. The teams pay them, but they are all members of the MLBPA, which means they're subject to MLB guidelines and rules. There is language in every contract detailing substance abuse, be it weed or speed, and, if the players don't know by now then they're retarded and deserve to get caught. Listen, it's not about the players' privacy being invaded, this is no different than a copyboy getting fired for failing a drug test because he smoked a joint. Sure it's on a different level, but the bottom line is that players are employees, and there are rules to follow to ensure fair play.






If you test every player this week, you'll find who cheats. You can do the minor leagues at your own discretion, but MLB is what matters. These are the players that kids see, and even though I'm an advocate of parental education on matters such as illicit drug use and alcohol use, the players have more of an influence than they realize, or want for that matter. If you're going to grandstand, Selig, about all things wrong with steroids, yet fail to institute a widescale test, you're either an idiot or you have something to hide.

Football has a steroid problem, there's no way around it. People that large are not that fast. It's science. But in football, they actually have some kind of stringent tests for steroids, and when someone is caught, it is instantly released through the press, every player is treated the same way. There are no press leaks. How the fuck can you be running a proper investigation, Mitchell and Selig, when the day after Byrd's little snafu gets leaked, there are articles popping up across the country debating the objectivity of your findings? Why are there findings? Why don't you know this already? Why are you looking into the players' past when you could just as easily DRUG TEST EVERYONE. This isn't a problem of the past, it's a problem of the present, and BOTH OF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TODAY!!!!!

Jesus fucking Christ it feels like these two assholes are the biggest retards in professional sports. You think David Stern would treat this situation like this? The NFL takes care of it THIS MINUTE, yet MLB has to have grand juries and hearings and investigations into the past. Fuck you guys. This is why the Byrd thing is a big deal, because you have a Red Sox partisan leading an investigation that finds out something about his opponent the day before his favorite team faces elimination. You wouldn't need to be a little bitch if you had some balls and tested everyone TODAY.

Now the arguments about current drug testing and a suitable HGH test are valid. Quite valid. But it just doesn't make sense because if it did, then McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, Giambi, Bonds, Clemens, Pettitte...they all would have failed one of your drug tests. There isn't a qualified HGH test, but you can find designer steroids. And the masking agents used by players wouldn't be effective on such short notice. The players can bitch and moan all they want, but when they signed their contract, they were forced to abide by the drug laws that MLB put in place. It's not fair to anyone to have this investigation carried out in this bumbling manner.

No, Mr. Selig and Mr. Mitchell. I've never touched steroids.

Everyone has had their say in this, and it's widely thought that the whole Mitchell investigation is simply retarded, however, you need to get this shit over with. Selig, the onus is on you to grow a pair of balls, and say, "enough is enough." You want the steroid scandal gone? Fucking get rid of it then. When you break a glass on your kitchen floor, do you go back and investigate the producers of the glass then go and question other glasses about whether or not they have broken in the past? Fuck no, you get your broom and sweep it up. Well, in your case Selig, you probably take off your socks and walk on it first because you're an idiot.

Fuck you Selig. Fuck you Mitchell.