Anyways, I'm not going to touch the whole Paul Byrd "scandal" either even though it's more of an indictment on George Mitchell being an incredible douchebag than Paul Byrd "cheating" to cure a tumor. It probably wouldn't have turned the series, but it just seems shitty in general, especially to someone who doesn't look bloated and gargantuan and especially to a pitcher whose fastball tops out at 87 mph. But my point is this...Mitchell and Selig, you really want to finish this whole performance enhancing drug business? There's a really simple solution that you probably could have thought of...but then again you're retards.
WHAT ABOUT A MASS DRUG TEST FOR THE ENTIRE LEAGUE, UNDER LEAGUE SUPERVISION, ON ONE WEEK?
This isn't hard to do. You send officials, you know, guys you pay to supervise the league to maintain competitive balance, to each MLB team practice facility all during the same week. You test every uniformed member of the clubhouse and team. There is no way that anyone could cheat, anyone could get shit out of their system, no way around it. You would catch every cheater in MLB. See, not so hard?
Spare me the union linguistics about not being fair to the players. The players are employed by MLB, not their teams. The teams pay them, but they are all members of the MLBPA, which means they're subject to MLB guidelines and rules. There is language in every contract detailing substance abuse, be it weed or speed, and, if the players don't know by now then they're retarded and deserve to get caught. Listen, it's not about the players' privacy being invaded, this is no different than a copyboy getting fired for failing a drug test because he smoked a joint. Sure it's on a different level, but the bottom line is that players are employees, and there are rules to follow to ensure fair play.
If you test every player this week, you'll find who cheats. You can do the minor leagues at your own discretion, but MLB is what matters. These are the players that kids see, and even though I'm an advocate of parental education on matters such as illicit drug use and alcohol use, the players have more of an influence than they realize, or want for that matter. If you're going to grandstand, Selig, about all things wrong with steroids, yet fail to institute a widescale test, you're either an idiot or you have something to hide.
Football has a steroid problem, there's no way around it. People that large are not that fast. It's science. But in football, they actually have some kind of stringent tests for steroids, and when someone is caught, it is instantly released through the press, every player is treated the same way. There are no press leaks. How the fuck can you be running a proper investigation, Mitchell and Selig, when the day after Byrd's little snafu gets leaked, there are articles popping up across the country debating the objectivity of your findings? Why are there findings? Why don't you know this already? Why are you looking into the players' past when you could just as easily DRUG TEST EVERYONE. This isn't a problem of the past, it's a problem of the present, and BOTH OF YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT TODAY!!!!!
Jesus fucking Christ it feels like these two assholes are the biggest retards in professional sports. You think David Stern would treat this situation like this? The NFL takes care of it THIS MINUTE, yet MLB has to have grand juries and hearings and investigations into the past. Fuck you guys. This is why the Byrd thing is a big deal, because you have a Red Sox partisan leading an investigation that finds out something about his opponent the day before his favorite team faces elimination. You wouldn't need to be a little bitch if you had some balls and tested everyone TODAY.
Now the arguments about current drug testing and a suitable HGH test are valid. Quite valid. But it just doesn't make sense because if it did, then McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa, Giambi, Bonds, Clemens, Pettitte...they all would have failed one of your drug tests. There isn't a qualified HGH test, but you can find designer steroids. And the masking agents used by players wouldn't be effective on such short notice. The players can bitch and moan all they want, but when they signed their contract, they were forced to abide by the drug laws that MLB put in place. It's not fair to anyone to have this investigation carried out in this bumbling manner.
No, Mr. Selig and Mr. Mitchell. I've never touched steroids.
Everyone has had their say in this, and it's widely thought that the whole Mitchell investigation is simply retarded, however, you need to get this shit over with. Selig, the onus is on you to grow a pair of balls, and say, "enough is enough." You want the steroid scandal gone? Fucking get rid of it then. When you break a glass on your kitchen floor, do you go back and investigate the producers of the glass then go and question other glasses about whether or not they have broken in the past? Fuck no, you get your broom and sweep it up. Well, in your case Selig, you probably take off your socks and walk on it first because you're an idiot.
Fuck you Selig. Fuck you Mitchell.
Fuck you Selig. Fuck you Mitchell.