Bernie, Bernie, Oh Baby! We Gotta Go Now... TO THE SUPER BOWL

So... I’m a Clevelander for life. I just wanted that to be known before anyone proceeds any further in reading this post... So today is Sunday September, 23, 2007, and I was just in my car, on my way back to my apartment, when I heard a couple days old interview with none other than the Captain Brown himself, Bernie Kosar (it was on the ESPN radio show of Mark “Munch” Bishop, the best there is). Seriously Bernie, get it back in gear man. He was hammered drunk. It was more obvious than a homeless person in C-Town being addicted to crack, just a given.

Bernie, dude, I love you man. It is your work that has basically [I run the business side of a small medical research company] molded me into the Browns fan that I am today. Granted, a lot of that work was filled with letdown, but it’s that letdown that unites Browns fans everywhere. We start every year saying “this is going to be the year that we forget the drive and the fumble”. That’s the pinnacle of the Browns past for me, almost getting there. It’s that almost getting there, Bernie, which has shaped the way I think about sports in general. That’s how I get excited at the beginning of training camp every year. Especially with the draft that them Brownies had this past year (#3 Joe Thomas, #22 Brady Quinn, #53 Eric Wright), a guy gets excited, ya know?

So in lieu of hearing your befuddlery on the radio today, I decided to Google you… And then I found this.I did not realize the controversy that you caused coming out of college, Bernie. And it was after reading that, that I realized how much you mean to the city of Cleveland, and to the Cleveland Browns as an organization. You got to choose what team you would start your NFL career off with, and you choose the Browns. That’s awesome. You’re from the Boardman area and were a big time High School player in like 1981, you were a Heisman caliber quarterback, and you chose the Browns. That means something to a guy, who devotes at least 15 hours a week (including Sunday games) to this team. Now granted I was 2 or 3 years old when you arrived back in town as a Brown, but you played in Cleveland until 1993, and its that entire Cleveland career that really was special (even to someone who doesn’t really remember the experience, but the memory).

So then in the process of just basking in your old school glory, I stumbled upon this. It’s your MySpace page. Dude, I don’t even have a MySpace page, but the first thought that I had was “Oh dear Lord, Bernie probably gets laid because of this site”. And it’s probably true, but then I thought “Way to go Bernie, way to go”.

I know you are going through a rugged divorce right now, but for the fans, please get it together. Party it up all night, but if you agree to make an appearance with the Browns, try to keep it together. You actually are a very insightful color commentary personality, but its when you slur your words and stutter that just make me laugh out of sorrow.

Finally, I want to tell a short story about the man, the myth, the legend, Bernie. A coworker of mine is an equipment manager for the Browns, on the side. During a pre-season game in Cleveland, he told me a story about you and your relationship with estranged Browns QB, Charlie Frye. You were standing with Charlie in the tunnel about to enter the field to start the game. You were casually dressed in a pair of dock shoes, with no socks, a pair of tapered jeans, with no socks, a half un-buttoned, button down shirt, with no undershirt beneath, a sport coat over the top of it all, and the sleeves of the sport coat rolled up. Way to class it up, Miami Vice style, but not only what you were wearing makes the story great. It’s that you were talking to Charlie Frye in this unclear, redneck mutter that no one could understand. Another reason why you are one of the greatest quarterbacks ever, you talk in a way that no one but certain people can understand, so when guys like Bill Belichick try to steal plays, they will never know what you are talking about. Keep at ‘em Bernie.