What do we have in store for an encore? MORE FUCKING PAIN!!! It's gonna get ugly.
Carmona, 8 IP, 2 ER, 3 K's. Grady 3-4, 2B, 3B, 2 RBI. Pronk 2-4 HR, 2B, 4 RBI.
Tribe goes up 2, winning this one 8-3. Let's make it happen.
TOP OF THE FIRST:
-Pre-game bitch: sound still is fucking up on TBS. Is this happening to everyone? I should know this but I really don't give a shit about much media stuff. Unless it's garbage on ESPN. Ok, the bitch mode is getting turned on. Why the fuck is ESPN still showing poker on TV? I swear to god, they're trying to reach this god-damned NASCAR demographic and it's getting ridiculous. Listen, it's still a East/West Coast and Midwest dominated industry. When did we start giving a shit about the South? Fucking Ted Turner. I would rather tar and feather myself than come within 200 miles of Atlanta or Charlotte. Ugh. Why Brad Daugherty? Why? Ok, time to get serious. 4 minutes.
-Let's go Tribe.
Chip Caray looks like one of those white people that was like molded or something. Like they aren't born, they're constructed. Like Posh Spice. Bob Brenly still here. Still think a sac bunt will help the Yanks come back from 6 down? Dumbass. LADIES MAN IS ON COMEDY CENTRAL. Wow. This is actually a legitimate debate in my head. I have a degree in tang. Yea baby. One of the real underrated movies of all time. Go hang out at a bowling alley with no underpants on.
-Blue tops. Solid choice.
-That faggot AC is at the game right now. By the Yank's bullpen. He'll have pictures tomorrow. If he doesn't, chloroform, 30 pounds of rock salt and a polar bear will surely make for some interesting replacements.
-That is some fucking pitching. Dear Lord. 96 MPH sinker. Good luck, you'll need it. Fausto came to play.
BOTTOM OF THE FIRST:
-Nice start. Hmm...knock on wood before I say anything. I'm calling Pettitte, Pederast all day. As I talk, double play. Its back to Pettitte. God, there are so many T's in his name.
-That douchebag with all the different neon hats is back. Hafner strikes out, questionable call.
TOP OF THE SECOND:
-MONTAGE!!!!!!!11!1 A-Rod. That was quick. The montage was longer. Shoutout to the Dugout...homosexual_rod.
-GOZIRRA!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!one!! Fausto has a fat chew in. Oh dear Lord he's my hero. CALL EM BOTH WAYS BLUE. Pretty lame walk.
-Tight strike zone again. The outside corner is nonexistent.
-Double play. The sinker is dangerous. Fausto is the shit, nay, the shiznit.
BOTTOM OF THE SECOND:
-Wilbon is giving some credit to the Tribe on PTI. Sees the Tribe takin' care of the Yanks.
-How can Pettitte still throw in the 90's? How old is this guy? He gets an outside corner though. Both ways please.
-Queen Latifah through the ceremonial first pitch? THAT'S NOT A STRIKE. Why is she here? I don't think we have enough Bratwurst. APB for some more sausage please. Oh, and Ice Cream, she loves ice cream only when it's capitalized. She's been a friend of Kinny for awhile now. I say Kinny because it's funnier that way. Tit cancer awareness month. Why does testicular cancer only get a week in April? Just sayin. Damn Sager has some nice shoes. Gators baby.
-Cleveland fans are the best. You play your ass off for us, and we treat you like a god. You act like a piece of shit, we turn on you like that. No free rides. And I'm sorry, LeBron is still the King. Wedge looks like Robo Cop.
-Way to be the batboy Skinner. Heads up. Nice steal by Peralta. Kenny is making Pettitte throw a lot of pitches. If the Yanks have to go to the pen early, it could be huge.
-Kenny comes up with a big hit. Peralta is out by a mile. I like the aggression though. Would have liked to see them make Pettitte throw some more pitches.
TOP OF THE THIRD:
-These animated Charles Schwab commercials piss me off something fierce.
-Asdrubal is a great defender. Barfield is pretty good too, but Asdrubal isn't an out at the plate. He looks exactly like Peralta too. SWITCH THEIR JERSEYS. OH HELL YES. STRATEGERY.
-Wow. Melky catches a mistake and jacks one to the RF seats. Not much damage done tho. Shelley Duncan is juiced in the dugout. Melky looked scared.
-I'm eating. Give me a second.
-Not too much damage. Settled down nicely. Well done.
BOTTOM OF THE THIRD:
-Double for Michaels. Great start to this inning. We need some patience and a good AB from Mr. Blake. Well, that didn't happen, but a sacrifice is pretty good with one out.
-All the Cleveland wenches show Grady their tittahs. Damn. Wasted oppurtunity. Still gotta get Michael's home though. You do not want to give the Yankees a lead with Captain Intangibles and homosexual_rod coming up.
-Asdrubal can't bring him home. Come on Tribe, don't waste these opportunities, they're precious few. You can't depend on those being around later in the game.
TOP OF THE FOURTH:
-Captain Intangibles reaches on a first pitch single. That was so clutch.
-Nice stab by Garko.
-homosexual_rod comes up. 4-44 in Post-season play. I understand it's relevant, it just seems so beat into our heads by now. Fausto isn't giving him anything to hit. homosexual_rod promptly strikes out. Alert the Presses. I'm surprised ESPN doesn't have a "A-ROD AB WATCH" on their scrolling marquee.
-Fausto and Garko carry the inning. Great job.
BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH:
-Hafner gets a nice single. That kinda came out of nowhere. Eventually, some momentum is going to get sparked. Gotta like seeing Victor up there with a man on. He's working the count well. He's going to get a pitch to hit or he's going to go to first. Helluva pitch by Pettitte, great little slider.
-Nice obstacle Hafner makes. Just as good as a sacrifice. Pettitte should have let his defense do the work. Guy at 2nd with one out is pretty good. Got some juice up at the plate.
-That was a money pitch. He should have been all over that. Garko coulda blown this thing wide open. But you have to like the patience. Pettitte has thrown a lot of pitches at this point. He just can't have the stamina he used to. Garko grounds out to the ol' genital warts himself Captain Intangibles.
-Pettitte is really mixing up his speeds well. He's catching, especially the younger players, looking for some hard stuff. Peralta was well ahead of that. Pettitte is going to get burned soon if he keeps throwing that straight fastball. And it's gonna happen sooner rather than later.
-That's a wonderful manicure Posada got. He must have gone to Goo-Goo Bumps on Lee. Meanwhile Peralta has worked crap into something. Impressive. Then he strikes out on the same pitch he missed on for the first pitch. That little slider that looks like its coming straight up.
TOP OF THE FIFTH:
-Another double play. Pretty nice. 2 outs for this little Melky bitch.
-Not much I could comment on there. Quick inning. Fausto has really settled down.
BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH:
-Kenny rocks. Michaels sacrifices Lofton over. Small ball baby.
-1-6 with RISP. Eventually the dam will break. Pettitte will make a mistake and leave one over the plate to someone unexpected. Asdrubal. Casey right now. The lineup is dangerous, if not well known, but don't mistake anonymity for lack of ability. The whole year this lineup has excelled at timely hitting. You can tell Pettitte is a little unsure of himself.
-Lofton is dancing around out there. Gwynn makes a great point about distracting Pettitte. It's a savvy veteran move and it's working. But damn, that huge sweeping curve is awful for lefties. Something has to break soon. Get some damage done now before they can get to Joba.
-Pettitte's pickoff move finally appears. End of the inning. Grady gets a fresh count tho.
TOP OF THE SIXTH:
-Turbo sinker. That's a great name for it. That thing is like a cobra. It just twists and strikes aggressively down at your feet. And by the time you pick it up, it starts to break. It's just unhittable when it's on. If there's any inclement weather down the line (please God let it contine so we can play in snow again) that sinker is going to ruin lineups. Chip Caray is still a worthless tool though.
-Captain Intangibles is a piece of shit. I hate him. GET THE SQUIRREL OFF THE FIELD. And Captain Intangibles clutchly grounds out to Mr. Birth Certificate Misspelling.
BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH:
-5 hits for the Tribe. Something has to give.
-Tell leBron the Score. That's a creative sign.
-GRADY TRIPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Taking advantage of a second chance. Hell yes. This would be a great inning to get some runs. The crowd is rocking. Asdrubal got way ahead of himself. Settle down. Pronk comes up though. The Tribe has been patient at times, but they need to relax and get good pitches.
-Pronk is down. Pettitte is eating him alive. That curve is just killer on lefties. Damn near unhittable.
-Pettitte has his arsenal out tonight. Cut fastball, Slider, Curve, Change. It's all crafty. Gets two huge strikeouts against our best guys. God is that frustrating. You can't keep wasting these opportunities. You can't waste a 2 hit effort by one of your aces against this lineup if you have to head to the Bronx.
TOP OF THE SEVENTH:
-Wow. When the Yanks lose tonight, there are going to be some people talkin' about this Al Rodriguez feller.
-AC just called from the Jake. Some Yankee fan punched a kid in the face and ran away. AC was takin' a piss and down a few pissers was a possibly different, belligerently drunk Yankee fan. A cop runs in and, everyone in the bathroom points at the Yankee dude. The cop shoves the dude up against the wall yells, "zip up, were outta here," and escorts him out.
-HUGE CATCH BY GRADY. Glad someone showed up to play today other than Fausto.
BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH:
-It's go time.
-Me and the dude are arguing about the degree of apropos doled out to the respective hurlers. "The kid is doing well" is nothing like "omgz pettitte is fucking pwning jesus christ we won't ever see this again"
-Then again, Pettitte is pitching like a demon.
-THERE WE GO. DOUBLE. Peralta steps up. Inches within a homerun. There was that straight fastball over the plate, nearly tied it up. Here we go now, can't waste this. Lets go Kenny.
-This is a huge at bat. Kenny wisely takes the first pitch. Gwynn nails it. Kenny isn't looking to knock a homer, he's just trying to get a pitch to hit, take some pitches. He's the only one being patient. 3-0 on a great check swing. Joba the Hut is warming up. Kenny walks. 1 out, up comes Jason Michaels after the conference.
-Let's see what this kid can do under pressure. Why take out Pettitte? Torre looks a little trigger happy, Jason Michaels doesn't inspire fear, let him ride out the inning. Listen, this kid is good, I won't kid you. Is he the 2nd coming of Clemens or Rivera? Who knows? He reminds me of Clemens just because he's such a raging douchebag but he is a good pitcher. Let's see how this turns out.
-Just so you know, Bob Feller is still the baddest ass dude aside from Jim Brown. You wouldn't fuck with either.
-I guess it's going to be Gutierrez. Thank God. What a different style of pitching. No more nibbling, power curve for strikes. This kid has stuff for days. Slider gets Gutierrez in 3 pitches. 99 mph fastball, looked inside, good frame by Posada. Blake flies out, another missed opportunity.
TOP OF THE EIGHTH:
-This is getting tense. I'm getting worried. Joba is not going to be easy to get runs off of. FUCK THESE CHARLES SCHWAB COMMERCIALS. Lincoln financial is a much better company, not that I have any affiliation or anything. But they really have to get a run. Well, no shit, but seriously, get a run.
-It would be such a shame if that one pitch ruined Fausto's day. He's pitching an absolute gem. Saving the bullpen, 2 hits all day against the Yankees on 89 pitches through 7 2/3. They need this game.
-This crowd is just DYING for something to happen offensively for the Tribe. I beg of you, do not let Fausto's performance be for naught. 8 innings. 2 hits. One mistake.
BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH:
-Fuck these bugs. Why did TBS just show Joba's neck fat covered in gnats?
-Wild pitch by Joba. Oh he's a true Yankee all right. Sac-bunt by Asdrubal and Grady is on third again with one out. Let's not waste this one.
-Hafner lasers one right to Doug M. I refuse to spell his last name. I like the contact though and I like the fact the Tribe is putting the pressure on Joba. Let's see what this rook is made out of. Tense situation.
-ANOTHER WILD PITCH!!!!!!!!!!!! TIE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-The Dude: HELL FUCK YEAH BABY. I'm beginning to think he has Tourette's.
-Joba hits Victor. This inning isn't over. Chip, it's not the bugs, it's the pressure against this lineup. They're all playing on the same field.
-TBS, does the Tribe have anyone in the bullpen? This would be pertinent information right about now.
-Joba is WAY off right now. Just stay patient. Let him throw as much as he wants, he sure ain't pitching. Get another run of this. Garko walks. Jhonny. LET'S GO RIGHT NOW!! Journey's "Separate Ways" blares over the loudspeaker. Hell yes.
-Joba can't find his fastball. Jhonny is staying alive hitting his breaking stuff foul, the fastball is going to be a ball. Maybe we can get a fastball down the pipe. Nope, breaking ball for a strike. Doesn't matter, we're alive.
TOP OF THE NINTH:
-I wish we had any insight on who would be pitching this inning for the Tribe. fausto isn't over 100 pitches yet I don't think. Let him ride Wedge, hes unhittable.
-Street Sense, yes the horse, introduced the Louisville defense. I shit you not.
-Even if there wasn't any activity in the bullpen, you should at least tell us that. 95 pitches, I was right.
-Fly fishermen in Lake Erie? God these guys are idiots. TBS sucks.
-BTW, me and AC both had the rally hats on during the Tribe side of the inning. That worked when we went to one of the last home games at the Jake, and it worked again. Expect more of this. Only when hitting though.
-Captain Intangibles strikes out. God is Fausto tearing the Yankees apart. This is absolutely dominant.
-AC text: Someone just yelled, "the bugs are from Jeter's crotch." Cleveland fans are the best.
-This would be a great time for homosexual_rod to come through. If he doesn't, he won't hear the end of it.
-LET'S GO FAUSTO. LET'S GO FAUSTO. LET'S GO FAUSTO. Chip Caray just says this crowd is like and English Premier Soccer match. Welcome to Cleveland, Chip.
-Abreu steals 2nd, could be an exercise in futility.
-A-ROD IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT TONIGHT FOR A LONG ASS MOTHERFUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
BOTTOM OF THE NINTH:
-Rally Cap Time!!! It's now or never. It's time for a huge hit, smart baserunning, basically great baseball. Fausto came through like a horse tonight. Pitching has been outstanding this season. It's time for last night's offense to show up. Joba or Mariano?
-It's going to be Rivera. Honestly, I was more nervous with Joba up there. Mariano can be hit. Hopefully.
-Ugh. He's good.
TOP OF THE TENTH:
-Perez comes out of the pen after two innings last night. I almost convinced myself that leaving Fausto in would have been a good idea. Almost. It was really close. Ok, so I did. But then realized I was an idiot.
-Gozirra pops out. Where has that vaunted Yankee offense gone? Shut the fuck down that's where it's gone. I don't know if that really makes sense, but it's good enough for me.
-Perez continues to deal. He's been lights out for as long as I can remember. Oh wait, that one day where me and AC went to the game he struggled a little bit. No dice for the Yankees though.
-Text from AC: Someone just yelled, "you can lick my Puss-ada." Classy. He flies out, put some wood on it, outside of Melky's home run, the only well hit ball all night for either side really.
-If this game stays tied for more than another inning, you have to give the edge to the Tribe. Will it go that long? We'll find out.
BOTTOM OF THE TENTH:
-Rally cap is on. Let's go Grady. Swingin' for the fences on the first pitch.
-If you're not rooting for the Indians right now, the terrorists have already won.
-Where has that dude who was yelling, "no no no no no no" all last night? Thank God he's not here tonight.
-The more pitches Mariano throws, the better. He's not a young man anymore. Not like me, I'm as spry as a spring chicken. With balls. And no hormones. And I don't shit eggs. But I can run. And I have feathers.
-Grady is going to work today. He wants HIS pitch. He's not going to let Mariano beat him with his little cutters. But that's what Mariano does so well. He has thrown a lot of pitches though. Full count now, 12th pitch of this at bat. Chip nailed it, you don't want Sizemore on base. He's a devil on the basepaths and isn't afraid to steal a base. 13th pitch. A-Rod would have come up with that if he was more clutch.
-SIZEMORE GETS ON ON A STRIKEOUT AND A TERRIBLE THROW BY POSADA!!! Things are getting interesting now. Big BIG break. You have to get runs anyway you can in a game like this and any baserunner is a good thing. Sac bunt by Asdrubal, second great one of the late innings.
-Team. It's what the Indians are. What the Yankees aren't. Pronk comes up.
-Pronk takes one in his wheelhouse. He's had a 1st pitch strike on him every AB today. Strike two trying to destroy it. Was the cutter this time, looked like the first pitch at first, then darted inside, Pronk had no chance. 1-2 after a high ball. Heehee. Pronk really needs to get fired up, he seems lackadasical to me. 2-2 another high one. Pretty much any hit wins it. Mariano looks like he's losing his stamina a little bit. Weak grounder to 2nd. Grady moves to 3rd. Two outs.
-The first thing you think of is the multitude of wild pitches thrown tonight. Mariano has thrown a could past Posada, and with Grady on 3rd, you do not want that at all. Victor gets intentionally walked so they can get the righty-righty matchup against Garko.
-Give him some good, clutch advice A-Rod.
-The Tribe has had 15 opportunities to knock someone home and it hasn't worked out well.
-Garko. 1-0. I'm sorry, I need to watch this.
-One more...GET TO THE CHOPPER...foul.
-Garko gets hit, he gets hit A LOT. Bases loaded. Bottom of the 10th. 2 Outs. Jhonny. A walk is as good as a hit here. Mariano has to throw strikes.
-Jhonny had no chance. Strikes out.
TOP OF THE ELEVENTH:
-Things are getting tenser. More tense. I like tenser.
-Perez going 2 again? Duncan is pinch hitting. I don't like this guy. He seems like a douchebag. Plus if he isn't juicing then he was fucked by genetics with a massive, pimply forehead like he has. He looks like Frankenstein. Maybe that's why his parents named him Shelley. Didn't Shelley write Frankenstein? I think. I'm not a scholar.
-Perez is ridiculous. He doesn't need any pussy ass earplugs like Mariano.
BOTTOM OF THE ELEVENTH:
-Gotta give the advantage to the Tribe now. We have the arms. They don't. They milked everything they could out of their good stuff, and they couldn't capitalize. Now it's Tribe time.
-Eh. Forgot about Vizcaino. He's not bad, not great tho.
-Gutierrez gets a nice single. Two on, nobody out. This is great. Vizcaino is not Mariano, that's for sure. Damn, this shit is tiring.
-Great bunt by Casey Blake. Guys on 2nd and 3rd, probably going to walk Sizemore. A flyball ends it. COME ON ASDRUBAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Do not get swing happy. Vizcaino is not a control pitcher. Or get swing happy. Come on now. Coach this kid up.
-That's not gonna get it done. Come on Pronk. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! A walk is just as good as a hit. Make him spot his pitches!
-Fuck you JoBu, I do this myself.