No, Game 3 live blog because I was tired and didn't feel like fucking around all god damn evening with some god damn piece of shit fucking shitty ass Yankees.
I like Paul Byrd starting. He's not a hard thrower, which is exactly what those pinstriped bonerholsters have seen the last 3 games. That can fuck some shit up. Meanwhile, we get this little fucking nip who we napalmed in Game 1. Sinkerballers throw better on short rest? Suck a fucking dick fucking motherfucking Yankees. You're goin' home. Sleep better in Anaheim of Los Angeles A-Rod. I'll wager putting my Chien-Ming in some fat girl and give her sweet lovin' in the AM as well. THAT'S how fucking confidant I am in these pimp ass Native Americans. The Wahoo's are on the fucking warpath and they want some fucking scalps to impress the squaws back at the teepee so they'll smoke these proud warriors' peace pipes.
TOP OF THE FIRST:
-It's win or go home for the Yankees. For the Indians, nothing. They're just scenery tonight. Ladies and Bob Brenly, start your Yankee fellating!!!!!!!!!!
-GRADY FUCKING SIZEMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-AC: "That's a sinkerball that did not sink." Really good analysis you fucking homo.
-Justin's girlfriend just called Grady Sizemore "Luscious lips." Her speaking privileges have been revoked. Wang can't find the catcher's mitt. Because he's got not game.
-2-0. Peralta. Big dick.
BOTTOM OF THE FIRST:
-Byrd watch: first pitch strike.
-Fucking Captain Intangibles. I totally jinxed the Tribe, btw. Jeter's dad looks like Joe Morgan and Apollo Creed's half man-half amazing love child. Who would willingly have sexy-time with Bobby Abreu? That guy looks like a fucking ogre. He holds the bat like a two pump chump.
-Abreu promptly "fists" one into right. Abreu loves fisting. He can shove a baseball bat up his chulo. Gay-Rod comes up. Abreu must have fisted Gay-Rod because that $25 million dollar gigolo strikes the fuck out. 86 mph fastball. Forget the curve, Paulie, throw him the heater.
-AC: "and Byrd with the KY ball." Paul Byrd = Eddie Harris.
-It seems that Yankees only get strikes called on them if they swing. I mean seriously, if the Yankees don't swing at a pitch, it has to be a ball. Apparently, they're really awesome and great and grand.
-Again with the fisting. This Yankee club must have a fetish. I have something funny that just happened and I'm really upset that I can't print it here.
TOP OF THE SECOND:
-Packing the construda in the Bong!!!!!
-AC is a pill popping homosexual. There's another nice hit. Wish he was playing last night. Balls are getting fisted all over the place.
-Bases are full of Indians. Wang is out already? Wow. That's nuts.
-Mussina gets a double play, but still gets a run home. Good enough.
-ASDRUBAL. The rout is on. 2 out RBI's, they've been the calling card all series. Paul Byrd needs to keep the momentum going. Pronk is coming up against a washed up Mussina. This won't end well. Pronk walks. Here comes Victor. Again, this can't end well. Mussina is missing badly and he's facing the meat of the lineup.
-Eh, it's ok. At least we got another couple runs. THIS IS OUR COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!
BOTTOM OF THE SECOND:
-Nice long inning for the Tribe. The Yanks are fucking pussies. The sqaws will be impressed with the white scalp the warriors bring home.
-There's all sorts of bullshit going on.
-I'm beginning to think that Chip Caray has a real thing for fisting. Pretty disgusting.
-Byrd just gets Damon to waste an at bat. No damage, 2 outs, Captain Intangibles is up.
-Infield hit. But Casey Blake makes a nice play to keep the damage minimal. Abreu is up, Carl Willis is out chattin' up Byrdman. Byrd doesn't look worried. For some reason the Tribe has Laffey warmin' up. Suck a dick Chip Carey. OMG, he's a Yankee, let me put on some chap stick. Byrd gets out of it. Only one run in. Tribe gets another shot at Mussina.
TOP OF THE THIRD:
-Chip has acknowledged the Indians' offense. Wow. I thought there was only one offense this whole series. Better late than never. Then again, the Indians only show up when there are 2 outs apparently. Moose gets out of the inning. Eh, that's fine. The longer Moose is in, the better for the Tribe.
BOTTOM OF THE THIRD:
-A-Rod gets punched out on 3 pitches. A smattering of boos echo through the evening.
-Justin can't handle his construda. Posada just shoots one to the gap, almost a home run, and Justin goes, "get out." Dear Lord. AC: "Too high, too high." More fellating by Chip. Victor, former shortstop, makes a nice play to get the second out. Cano has to get a hit now. Inning over, but not without some anxiety.
TOP OF THE FOURTH:
-Shoppach leads off with a ground rule double. Mussina is looking a little shaky. The Yankee crowd is dead silent. It's an uncomfortable scene all around. When Wang got pulled, the crowd just seemed to get really nervous and anxious.
-Mussina is flirting with disaster. Pronk intentional walk loads the bases. Victor up. Victor gets a seeing eye single, scores Shoppach and Grady. The lead is growing. Mussina is done, they HAVE to get him out of there. Double play gets them out of it, but the damage is getting done.
BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH:
-I dunno, I think there's going to be something said about the Yankees offense and the lead not being large enough for this group of sluggers to overcome. Ugh. This is a great scene though, the Yankees look scared. Hopefully Torre says, "fuck you Steinbrenner, I'm sending Moose out for another inning." Byrd has a few runs to work with, much less pressure than before, but he's pitching very well so far.
-Tony Gwynn keeps the Yankee boner under control. I like Tony in the booth. He sounds very white, and he's black so me liking him makes me feel like I'm not a racist.
-Helluva catch by Peralta.
-The Yankees are looking frustrated. They are just knubbing weak fly balls. Byrd is really getting to the Yanks. It's great to see. He's so old-school, fucking gutty ass performance. Byrd gets out of the inning, Captain Intangibles can't keep the inning going.
TOP OF THE FIFTH:
-Gwynn is winning me over with his praise of the Tribe. Who woulda thought that one of the smartest hitters in the league would be an good broadcaster? Gutierrez shows off his Warning Track Power (WTP).
-Mussina flies through the Tribe lineup. That was quick. I still don't care. Leave Moose in.
BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH:
-Byrdman made real quick work of the Yankee lineup.
TOP OF THE SIXTH:
-A little Vitamin D from the Melk-man? Are you serious.
-Moose is out, Villone is in? What?
-Another quick inning. Things are getting desperate in New York.
BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH:
-Byrd for another winning. Can't say I don't approve. He's pitching great tonight. As I speak, Cano goes deep. He went way down for that one. Only one run though. But Perez is coming in and he's fuckin' lights out.
-Chip Caray is quoting a surrogate Yankee cock sucker, fucking Bon Jovi. He's a jersey boy, should he be a Phillies fan? He's an Eagles fan and owns a Philadelphia sports team. I smell something foul.
-Perez is shaky. 1 out, runners on the corner with Captain Intangibles coming up. Jeter hasn't been Jeter this postseason. Crazy situation. "Here's the Captain," says Chip. SHUT YOUR MOUTH CHIP!!! I'M ALL JACKED UP ON MOUNTAIN DEW!!!!
-DOUBLE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Captain Intangibles has been fucking a dead fish this postseason. Huge play, huge play. That hurts bad. I wish they didn't go right to commercial because I would have loved to have heard the air just vacuum out of the stadium.
TOP OF THE SEVENTH:
-I wish the Dugout was still at their original site. Professor Farnsworth...please, if you ever get a chance, read the archives for Farnsworth at The Dugout.
-Now even the announcers have to give the Tribe credit. All of the sudden they're changing their tune. Farnsworth shows some nice stuff. He's sportin' the Ricky Vaughn glasses, don't think it's gonna work here, Kyle.
-Gotta love Carsten Charles with the huge chaw in. That's a rare sight. Tough staff with two ace chewers.
-I can't believe how fat Tony Gwynn has got. He's massive. How could this man ever play a professional sport? He looks like he should be riding a Rascal.
-Kenny and his "playoff experience" are carrying the day. Fuck Chip Caray. Lofton has some serious WTP.
-Farnsworth finishes out the inning.
BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH:
-Perez still in there, probably only for Abreu, then get Betancourt in for the righties. The money guys in the middle of the Yanks lineup has been worthless. I'll take Melky and Johnny Damon hittin' you as long as the big guys aren't doing anything.
-Abreu goes down, that was masterful. I'd actually leave him in there. Why not? That was dominant. A-Rod is comin' up...gone. It's only a solo bomb, but that clearly puts the blame on Jeter in my eyes. Let's go, keep it steady.
-That was tense.
TOP OF THE EIGHTH:
-Do or die time.
-Jose Veras is in, saving Joba most likely. But you can't be comfortable with this guy up there at this point in the game. It's close, but it could get more out of reach.
-Shoppach again with the double. Man, what a great call by Wedgie. Garko is on the bench, and the production is still there. The Dude just unleashed hell from his deuce-piece. Thank you Joe Morgan. Shoppach barely missed to a really deep part of the park. He came up huge. Looks like Mariano is coming in at some point. Veras isn't long for this game. Intentional walk, Mariano is definitely coming in after this, taking their real sweet time with this walk.
-Nice play by Jeter ends the threat. Or is it? Catcher's interference? Nope.
BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH:
-Tony Romo is sucking.
-Betancourt comes in to face Melky. Giambino on deck. JoBo's name was mentioned. I'm officially scared. Great play by Peralta. Giambino, the epitome of a great $20 million investment, replaces Shelley Duncan to see a little more of some hard to find PT.
-Betancourt blows it by Damon. It just got real in here.
TOP OF THE NINTH:
-How can Yankee stadium be this quiet? Victor leads off with a single off the first pitch. AC: "Victor Martinez, from the Eddie Murray school of hitting."
-Oh for fucks sake, JOE BOROWSKI IS IN THE BULLPEN!!!!! THE WORLD IS GOING TO COLLAPSE!!!!!!!!! OH MY DEAR LORD!!!!!!!!!! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!!!!!!!
-Peralta gets his 3rd hit of the night, 2 on with no outs against Mariano. Let's get some insurance. Lofton advances the runner, guys on the corner with one out. Good fundamental baserunning by the Tribe. Gutierrez strikes out.
-Damn. Casey almost went yard. Some serious WTP.
BOTTOM OF THE NINTH:
-This is some serious shit. Captain Intangibles. Abreu. A-Rod. Borowski. This is where a man shows his balls. Fuck, I'm nervous as hell.
-Captain Intangibles weakly flies out to short. One down.
-Abreu takes a first pitch strike, fastball down the middle. Abreu never takes first pitches, that was veteran move. Two sliders miss, one outside, one inside. Abreu goes YARD. That was an absolute bomb. I do not feel comfortable in the least. There was absolutely no doubt about that.
-A-Rod comes up. If there ever was a time to get rid of that fucking label, the time is now. First pitch fouled back. This is not what you want to see if you're an Indians fan. NICE!!! Changeup gets him, A-Rod was way ahead of that one. A nut outside for his second ball after missing on a fastball up. 2-2. FLIES OUT. 2 OUTS. POSADA.
-Here comes Jorge. 2 run lead, all you need is one out...Please, God, please...First pitch strike, thank God, that was right down the pike. I just had a heartattack. DESTROYED FOUL. This is terrible. Now we have an 0-2 count...Please, God, please...YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-JoBo...I cannot say how much I hate you. My heartrate was at least 140 bpm. That was so fucking close...But that last pitch was a work of art. That was the most beautiful changeup I have ever seen. JoBo knew that Posada was looking for another pitch to jack, he knew he'd be looking fastball all the way. The bottom just dropped out of that thing, it was so nasty. Thank you so much for that JoBo, it was close, but as always, you came through in the end. Thank you Indian offense. Thank you Paul Byrd and Rafael Perez and Betancourt. That was a great series and, please, keep the momentum going. That was freaking awesome.