Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Steelers Week...

Welcome to Steelers Week! We've been closed for about 12 years due to renovation but we're finally re-opened to the public!! FUCK THE MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ASS STEELERS. FUCK THEM. FUCKING BUNCH OF WEST VIRGINIA, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN ASS RAPING HILLBILLIES.

Yea, I fucking said it. What are you going to do about it? Fuck the Steelers. Yea, fuck 'em. They're a bunch of fucking faggots. Seriously, how could you root for the Steelers? Ooo. Black and Gold. Ooo. We won championships. Ooo. Fucking frontrunners.

It's been awhile, honestly, since I've felt this much animosity towards this NFL team from that state in the East. The Browns have always been no. 1 in my heart, but whenever we faced the Steelers, it just didn't have the same pizzazz, the same jen-ne-se-quois (that's as close as you're getting for a spelling. I don't look up French words, I just let em ride). I'll even admit it, we've been punching bags.

But that's changed. Oh fuck yes, it's changed.

This whole rant is coming from an isolated incident that happened about 10 minutes ago. You'll notice, if you read the chat transcript from ESPN.com's Scouts, Inc. chat, that I posed a question to Mr. Matt Williamson, a native Pittsburghian, asking why he thought that, on a short week after a physical game facing an opponent looking for revenge, that the Steelers would waltz to an easy win. Harmless enough, right? Well, here's his response...

Matt Williamson: (1:37 PM ET ) Yeah, I think they handle them. Heinz Field is a brutal place to play and the short week won't affect PGH. They own the Browns and are still a far more talented overall team. Ben and Willie P should both have big days and just own the time of possession.

And that's when it hit me...I finally realized why I hate the Steelers and their fans. Because they're dumb. It was right in front of me the whole time!!! Man, how could I overlook something that simple? That obvious? That logical? I mean, I knew an isolated sample of Steelers fans were mentally retarded, deduced from simple conversations with them, however, this was the instance that sealed the proverbial deal...this man is paid to write about the NFL and as soon as his precious Steelers are mentioned, he goes from insightful to moronic like that. It's a Pavlov's Dog response that I hadn't even considered.

Now I like this guy. He's smart and is well written and knows about every team in the league, much like me. However, I'm not an idiot, a pothead yes, but an idiot...no. This is a man who is a part of "Scouts, Inc." which is a magical entity created by espn.com for no reason at all. Why? Because it makes them sound like they know what they're talking about. Yes, he knows what he's talking about...about every team except the Steelers.

Say you're listening to Howard Cossell talk about football and the great games he has witnessed. Or maybe Ron Jaworski or Pat Summerall. And while talking about football, they're well spoken and insightful until you mention their favorite team...then it becomes, "WOOOOOO!!! FOOTBALL!!!!" Awesome.

Now imagine that's all you know about a particular team...say...the Steelers. Now do you understand why they're so loathsome? Well, it's not just that, actually, it's a whole lot more.

Let's take their insufferable arrogance for one. But don't mention the fact they hired a legally retarded man, a pederast and another legally retarded man as the face of their franchise. Or the fact that their Super Bowls* were all fueled by anabolic steroids. It's the smug acceptance that's the most obnoxious, kind of like arguing with someone who just refuses to look at anything objectively yet continues to argue. God I want them all to die. Not in a bad way, something quick, but just please shut them up and wipe their existence from the earth.

Seriously, it's hard to write this article. The first words that come to my mind when thinking about the Steelers are: FUCK, ASS, SHITTY, OVERRATED, BULLSHIT, FUCK (again), OMAR EPPS. It's hard to write about something like that...

Anyways, the whole point of this diatribe was to enlighten you to the reasons I think the Browns will win on Sunday, yes even at the Ketchup Bottle.

-Browns are pissed
-Steelers are complacent
-Steelers just peaked and can't perform like that again
-No Charlie Frye
-Actual Offensive Line play from the Browns
-Big Ben is due for one of his 4 INT games

PS: Not a real Browns fan...now get less ugly...IMMEDIATELY.

That's just a sample of what's to come. Basically, I'm pissed. I hate the Steelers, but honestly, I welcome the personal animosity. I enjoy hating my rivals. I love hating Michigan and the Pistons and the Steelers. I love hating the Tigers, Twins and any team that ends in Sox. Passion in sports is a good thing. And when both your and your rival's teams are good, passion in sports is a great thing.


Jim said...

One of the first things I thought when I saw DA pick up the blitz and throw those little drop passes to Jamal Lewis for 20 yard gains on Sunday was, "Browns are GONNA FUCK the stealers defense up".

Expect Jamal to retake his rushing record from Adrian Peterson this Sunday.

Hugh McSnatchercraft said...

dear lord man...crack is whack.

browns will win, no doubt, but jamal aint gettin that record back. even if he does, AD will just take it right back. and yes, im HAMMERED DRUNK off the AD koolaid.

Jim said...

Is Jamal running for 300 yards really beyond comprehension? I may have been high on crack when I wrote that, but last year I would've sooner believed the Suzy Kolber story than the Browns being a legit playoff/wildcard contender at 5-3. So I'll stop smoking crack when the Browns stop kicking ass.