STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

This is killing me. I can't take this anymore. This is a new and uncharted territory for my head to be in. People, please stop picking the Indians to win the World Series.

I know I said earlier that the lack of national attention towards Cleveland is shitty, but I didn't think before I said that. I don't want the attention. I want it as far away as possible. I want to remain in the shadows where nobody sees us and we can do our thang without people jumping on the bandwagon, if you can even call it that. And do the Tribe even have a bandwagon? Has it gotten to that point? It's not like we're the Red Sox and all of a sudden women are now fans. Thank God. When you have women as fans you know you're team is a bandwagon team.

Now what's wrong with having people believe in you? How about everything essential to a true Clevelander (Clevelandite? Clevelandan?). We are not favorites. We are not lovable losers. We're moderately successful teams who just happen to have our hearts ripped out at the absolute worst times. It has nothing to do with superstition. Actually, it has everything to do with superstition. Everyone knows what we've been through. It's called sports hell and we're the 9th circle.

The problem is, Clevelanders have become conditioned to this heartbreak. It's kind of like developing a callous on your hands from dealing with hot shit all day. It's just believed that it's going to happen again. And why not? You'd think the law of averages would eventually throw us a bone, but no. We had the greatest offensive team of the last 25 years, a team that was damn near untouchable. Just think of the heavy hitters in that lineup through the years. Belle, Ramirez, Thome, Sexson, Giles, Alomars (plural, they both rocked), Lofton. Yet what happens? In the 1995 World Series, the greatest collection of offensive prowess gets FUCKING 2 HIT BY GOD DAMN TOM FUCKING GLAVINE AND HIS GOD DAMN FUCKING 85 MPH FASTBALL. Need I bring up such luminaries in Cleveland lore such as Jose Mesa? Or howabout a wonderful 6 inning relief performance by Pedro Martinez? I'm working up a sweat here.

The thing is, we don't need these lofty expectations. We don't want people to believe in us. Why? Because we know what lies ahead. We've traversed the barren minefields of sports hope. We've swam the shark infested waters of thinking, "this is our year." We've heard the prognosticators swoon over our lovely collection of athletic talent. And our reward for all this? Utter disappointment.

That's the road we're travelling. Do I think we can beat the Yankees? Abso-fucking-lutely. Do I believe we will beat the Yankees? Yea, but I'm not comfortable in the least. On paper, our pitching is superior, our bullpen is superior, we have a more versatile and speedy lineup, better defense, better strategy, better health and athleticism. But as my partner in crime so eloquently said in a phone call yesterday, "the Yankees are going to score at some point." We all know it's inevitable. The last thing we need is to believe that it's going to change because that's when the sucker punch comes.

I look at the playoffs like this. We got some national pub, played some tough games, even won a series or two. But I always look for the nadir, the apex, the point where it all declines. After LeBron's bukake in Detroit last year, I knew that was it, and I was happy with it. After Ohio State beat Michigan last year and went to the National Championship game, I still had hope, and what did I get for it? Pain.

The one exception to all this is 2002 and this is what we should look at for our model for success. Ohio State went into the Fiesta Bowl against a Miami team, that by all accounts, were playing their games a day early (for those of you who are retarded and can't follow poetic lisence, it means they should have all been in the NFL). I went into that game thinking, "let's just not get embarassed." THAT'S when we strike. Cleveland sports is like one of those snakes or spiders that sits under a rock by the side of a road and when some dumbass wearing Birkenstocks walks by, BAM, got you in the leg, pussy, with my sweet, sweet venom. That's exactly what happened with Miami. That's what happened with the Indians in 1995. That's what happened with the Cavs in Detroit. That's how the Indians overcame the terrible ownership of Rachel Phelps where a motley crew of outcasts led by Jake Taylor and Willy Mays Hayes won a one-game playoff against the New York Yankees. Expectations bring doom. Ignorance brings exaultation.

So when I read some hack writer on a sinking ship like Sports Illustrated says that the Indians are the 7th best team remaining in the playoffs I don't get upset. I rejoice. For this is a smarter man than most. He understands this dynamic. He understands that Cleveland needs odds to overcome. He is a modern day sports prophet who deserves a monument be erected out of fusili pasta. So I say, don't be upset that all you hear is Yanks and Sox. Attention brings disaster and the Tribe will rise from the ashes of the fallen titans. Our modest payroll and creative management will reap rewards far richer than any Clevelander under 60 will be able to comprehend. This is the year of destiny, and just because we're getting ignored doesn't mean it isn't our time, it affirms that it truly is.

Case of the Monday's: F-ck the National Media

Clevelanders have a Napoleonic complex, plain and simple. It doesn't help with the city itself being in the condition it's in, but at the same time, it runs deeper than that. It begins and ends with the sports teams. Granted, Cleveland is basically like every other Midwestern Great Lakes city, basically a smaller version of Chicago with a certain trait that separates it from its bretheren, but none of these cities have the mental issues that we have here. Think about Pittsburgh, their city is a pile of shit that makes Cleveland look like paradise, yet do they always complain about being the proverbial little brother to Philly and New York? No. Why is this? The mothefucking, goddamned, piece of shit, takes it in the ass from mental institutional prisoners Steelers. Same with Detroit and Indianapolis, and even Buffalo (ugh...) to a degree.

If Cleveland hadn't endured the Drive, the Fumble, MJ over Ehlo, MJ in general, Jose fucking Mesa, Tom fucking Glavine, 51-101, the Curse of '54, need I continue, would we have such a massive chip on our shoulders from being largely ignored by the national press? Fuck no. Yet, Sunday, the Browns annhilate a preseason Super Bowl contender and they don't get any mention at all by Peter King, AOL Sports, ESPN, Fox Sports, New York Times, USA Today or the majority of nationally viewed sports blogs. Save for a brief mention by Michael Silver of Yahoo sports and the Plain Dealer, it seems as if this game never happened. Is it because it's hard to swallow the pill of being so wrong? Is it because they didn't bring out the fireworks like they did against Cincy? Is it just shame in being so far off on your preseason prognostication?

Basically, fuck you national press. The Browns are a respectable team, unlike the 2nd worst like Peter King and so many other douchebags predicted. They eviscerated one of the top defenses in the NFL without even thinking about it. Rich Gannon said it best when the Browns weren’t running more no-huddle, “maybe they would if the game had been closer, but right now they don’t need to.” This was an ass-whooping, yet nobody noticed because of Brett Favre (rightly so) and the Giants (wha?).

It doesn't stop with the Browns though. The Indians are largely ignored because of the Yanks!! and the Sox!! despite the fact the Indians have a vastly superior team to both of them sans the star power. If the national media is just so eager to fellatiate the New York and Boston markets without looking at the teams objectively, why even consider yourselves media? You're a bunch of lucky white people who get to go on TV and talk. Steve Phillips, I'm talking to you because according to you, the Indians aren't even in the playoffs.

So basically, Cleveland is LeBron, which is fine. I'd rather have something than nothing. But when one of the only bright spots in this city is nationally predicted to be leaving ASAP, that's slapping the city in the face. The Browns are a good team this year. Any idiot who knows anything about football could see this (Football Outsiders, smart. Peter King, smart but still an idiot for thinking the Browns were worse than the Falcons and a host of other teams). It's a shame, but honestly, it will be all worth it and that time is coming quite soon. The Tribe are poised for a serious run for the next 4 years at least, the Browns look like they'll be contenders soon, the Cavs have the best player in the league and great ownership, and the Buckeyes are staying the course. Bridesmaids no longer, fuck all of you.