Sick of Work Rant

I'm fucking sick of working. I've been working all god-damn day. Most days, I can plod along leisurely at my own pace. Not fucking today, son. Today I gots shit ta do, ya hurd? I've been fucking planning finances all god-damn day and all I want to do is go home, smoke a b0ng and eat a turkey sandwich on waffles. Have you ever had that? Fuck, you haven't lived son!! Seriously, the little pockets in the waffles hold any condiment perfeclty. And the typical saltiness of the deli meat is wonderfully contrasted by the sweetness of the waffle. Sometimes I even like to sprinkle a little powerdered sugar on it. It's fucking delicious.

There's no real reason to make this post right now. I'm just doing it so we can get that picture of that gay ass purse off this MANLY publication. So, in order to do that, I'm going to employ my awesome talent of Typing a Stream of Consciousness. First topic that comes to my mind, is going to be talked about...

Fuck Yankee fans. I wouldn't give a shit if my wife of 50 years was a Yankee fan, I'd still bust her balls...er...ovaries. I'd sucker punch the shit out of her chicksticles. Seriously. Is this all A-Rod's fault? Fuck no. You know who's fault it is? Yours. If you don't have any expectations, you won't feel let down. When A-Rod came there, the years of high-priced spending had reached its zenith, or so we thought. The Boss paid slugger after slugger ridiculous amounts and didn't wisely invest in pitching, you know, the other half of the game.

So when A-Rod comes strolling into town, everyone starts thinking big and expecting a World Series. Well guess what, YOU HAVE TO PLAY BOTH SIDES OF THE GAME ASSHOLES. How can you justify this sense of entitlement? Why do you expect teams just to sit there and take it in the ass? Why do you think you deserve to be in every World Series year after year?

Take it from someone who knows. The Playoffs, not even talking about championships here, are a gift to be treasured. They are hard fought and hard earned and they don't come cheap. You don't stumble into a championship, you're team has to go get it for themselves. Not for New Yorkers though. And this brings us back to A-Rod. Had he not come in when he did, the IGNORANT amount of pressure wouldn't be there. If he had come now, people wouldn't expect huge results. But when you have a $25 million/year contract, that tends to bump up the expectataions just a little bit. But the problem is Yankee fans talk about him like their team is shovelling money his way. You know what? THE RANGERS PAY 1/3 OF HIS SALARY.

Rocket, Captain Intangibles get paid more by the Yankees. Giambi, who spent the majority of the series on the bench, gets paid a lot more by the Yankees. Those are your real targets because they produced bubkus. Yet all we hear about is A-Rod who wasn't even close to the worst performer of the series. Fuck you. You guys deserve the Royals. You deserve the Devil Rays. You sure as hell don't deserve the assemblage of talent that you have right now. Grow the fuck up and realize that you're not the center of the world. Realize that just because you have money, doesn't mean that you have skill. Just because your coffers run deep doesn't mean that you have the intelligence to invest wisely in players and have a plan instead of putting a $12 million band-aid on something.

Fuck all Yankee fans, except the smart ones, they're cool. Jeter has AIDS.

Playoffs Playoffs Yankees Playoffs

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck this job. I can't sit still. Fuck that old asshole who just walked by me and gave me a dirty look. He does that shit every fucking day. Oh, I'm sorry that my back isn't hunched over because I'm an old fuck like you. Why don't you just go die. Listen, I know you're Jewish and I know my last name is as German as sausage and beer, but I didn't do shit to you. Ok, back on track. I can't fucking sit still. Who cares about 401k's and college planning. I don't give a shit right now.

All I can think of is that lovable 300 lb pitcher we got with the tilted hat. That ogre with the short bat who crushes anything up in the zone. That switch hitting catcher who will get anyone on base home. That guy in centerfield who catches everything within a mile radius and crushes anything he wants. Hell yes. It's been too fucking long. I'm so excited.

I really don't want to be at work right now. Screw this place. Seriously. How the hell can I concentrate when I know damn well in 7 hours I'm going to have a purple headed baseball boner that can and will kill a medium sized dog? How can I concentrate knowing that the bastion of all that is good in this world of competition (i.e. the Indians) is going up against the most inisidious, disgusting, selfish, arrogant force of the last 11 years (i.e. the Yankees)?

This is like Star Wars. Grady is Luke, CC is Chewy, who is Han Solo? Or Obi Wan? I guess Kenny Lofton would have to be Jar Jar Binks, just because Kenny is kind of annoying. Hmm...who would be Han Solo? Can't be Hafner, he's too much like Chewy too. Fausto can't be, he's too young and not cool enough. Casey Blake isn't good enough. I guess it's Victor by default. Anyways, it doesn't matter. It's Good vs. Evil for all the marbles. That is, until the next series.

The Yankees are the Dark Side. The Yankees are an abomination. The Yankees embody everything that the Middle East hates about America. The Yankees represent greed. Their fans are even worse. Listen fags, it's not your God given right to be in the World Series every year. Just because you spend the most money doesn't mean you have the best team, even if your entire region has an inflated ego the size of a hot air balloon. I mean seriously, you guys hate on the best player in baseball because he isn't the most overrated player in baseball. Give me a team to start, I'd take A-Rod over Jeter every single time. Yet, A-Rod isn't good enough for you. Just because you could pay Clemens doesn't mean you're the greatest team ever. In fact, he sucks, and you wasted $28 million.

Meanwhile, the Indians represent hardwork and dedication. They "stayed the course" long enough to find their own identity and cultivate a stable of players that compliment each other's unique talents. Mark Shapiro said in a radio interview, "we didn't want to collect talent, we wanted to develop a team." That says it all. The Yankees are a bunch of high-priced mercenaries who could care less about the other guys in the clubhouse as long as they get their inflated paychecks. The Tribe are a bunch of guys who live and die with each other. There isn't anything these guys wouldn't do to win and that's why we're a better team than the Yankees.

Listen, we're all scared shitless over here, the Yanks have a shit-ton of talent. But good always prevails. God hates the Yankees just like he hates cloning and homosexuals. The Indians will proverbially slap the collective dicks of these Yankee queers and that dick-slapping starts tonite. I'm fucking excited. Go Tribe.