Monday, December 3, 2007
Purple Jesus doesn't need an LCL
Why the fuck does he have to be on the Vikings? Why can't he be on a team that isn't nauseating to watch? Fuck, I'd even like to see him on the Falcons rather than the fucking Vikings. Wait, that's a lie.
This is a stupid, worthless post, but if I was the NFL Commish, these are the teams I'd get rid of ASAP:
1. Minnesota Vikings - History be damned, they've ruined it all.
2. Atlanta Falcons - Unless Vick was still playing and Arthur Blank shaved his mustache (Zygi could shave his 'stache and he'd still be a douche.)
3. Carolina Panthers/Jacksonville Jaguars - Why do these teams exist? Oh that's right, to have great players play in front of half empty stadiums.
4. Seattle Seahawks - They haven't won anything and don't really have a rich history outside of Brian Bosworth and that one tough-as-balls WR Steve Largent.
5. Arizona Cardinals - They don't care about winning
5a. Cincinnati Bengals - Paul Brown must have hated his kids because they're running his team into the shitter.
6. Baltimore Ravens - Should never have existed in the first place.
7. New Orleans Saints/Buffalo Bills - Just do us all a favor and move already so we can scrub our memories clean of all the crap your owners have heaped on the league. Don't want to spend money? Fine, go buy a CFL franchise.
Yes, I realize that I just eliminated 10 teams from the leage. But seriously, wouldn't the NFL world be much better off with the talent distributed evenly between the teams that actually give a shit/aren't painful to watch? Fuck all those teams.
Oh, since my ADD just kicked into hyperdrive, I'll end this with something about Purple Jesus. That video above? Yea, should never have happened. WHEN YOU HAVE TORN LIGAMENTS YOU FUCKING LET THEM HEAL NO MATTER WHO'S (Brad Childress') JOB IS ON THE LINE!!!!!!!!!! Then again...just another awesome day of the Zygi Wilf era.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
NFL Power Stuff: Playoff Picture
Here's how its gonna ride, beetches. This ain't no seeding shit. This is me looking at the playoff contenders and ranking them in order of who I think is the best TEAM out of the bunch. I don't care about schedules or stats or any of that shit. This is a totally biased reflection on what I've seen this year. I'm only ranking the Playoff contenders because I honestly don't feel like writing about shitty teams like the Bengals and Chiefs...wait, the Chiefs are still in it? Well fuck me sideways.
AFC:
1. New England - Really? Fuck them. Brady still isn't as good as Peyton. I'll always be more impressed with skill and execution than I will with letting Randy Moss feast.
2. Indy - Listen, I think they're better than the Pats. But until they get healthy, I can't put them up there.
3. Cleveland - Am I a homer? Unabashedly so. Do I believe this? Absolutely. Despite being 0-2 vs. the Steelers, I'm convinced the Browns are the better team. Ben Roethlisberger is a top 3 NFL QB? Really? Did I sleep through last year? I must have missed something because he is still a guy who holds on to the ball too long and gets lucky breaks (like his face on a windshield).
4. Pittsburgh - They're pretty overrated, but solid nonetheless. After last night's MNF game, I don't know how the Steelers can honestly consider that wasteland an acceptable place to play professional football.
5. San Diego - LT, Gates and Merriman. That's all it takes.
6. Jacksonville - How can I rank them below SD? Easy. David Garrard. Sure, no INT's on the year. Great. Good for him and mobile, African American QB's everywhere. Does that make him good? Not really. No Mike Peterson is going to hurt them badly and they're one more injury away from the typical end-of-season swoon that always hits these guys.
7. Tennessee - VY needs to play better. Haynesworth needs to come back. That's all.
NFC:
1. Dallas - TO + Romo = awesome. I love Big D.
1a. GB - Yes, Favre is great. I think Favre is a microcasm of America, a shining example of what we should all be. Yes, a true American grandstands and bitches at management. A true American criticizes his coworkers for wanting more money. A true American loves mixing painkillers and alcohol. Listen, Favre is a great FOOTBALL PLAYER. That's where it ends because all his contract shit? Yea, that's basically the NFL version of Roger Clemens. I love the guy as a player, but would I be upset if he retired? Probably not.
That's all the time I'm going to spend talking about the NFC. Really...they suck. Seatlle? Tampa? If you think they do a single thing in the playoffs, good for you. You must enjoy central Florida and the Pacific Northwest, because you're the only people who honestly think those teams are worth a shit. In the NFC it's GB and Dallas and that's it. They could play the NFC Champ game next week for all I care (and they pretty much are). Whatever, fuck the NFC.
This was fun. I should spend more time doing this more often again. Yea, that's right, read that sentence again. No sense. That's why I like this lil' place. I can vent and vent without any regard for grammar and context. Awesome.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Fucking Marvin Harrison, Grow a Pair...

Thursday, November 1, 2007
Pats-Colts: Yea, yea, yea...


Thursday, October 4, 2007
Perfect Pats...

I coach basketball. It's volunteer grade school basketball, but none the less it still counts. The school where I coach has a great talent pool to work with, but I've never challenged anyone to go "perfect". I don't really see the point. I want my players to lose at least one game over the course of the season just so they know how it feels. Once they know the feeling of defeat, they won't want to experience that again. Am I the only one who sees value in losing one game? I have never purposely lost a game, but it just seems so worthless to dwell on perfection. I love sports and am an extremely competitive person, but lets not go overboard on this one.
There is no question in my mind that the Patriots are the "best" team in football, bar none. But to say that there isn't anyone in the league who's capable of beating them is untrue. How does that saying go? Any given Sunday? Let's not take away from what they're doing by focusing on what they could do. That just seems to be happening way too much. My homepage on every computer I own is espn.com, and everyday I turn there, there is an article posted about how they could "possibly" go undefeated. Guys, anyone could go undefeated. It just seems like a worthless argument to make.
Let's say they do go undefeated and lose in the first round of the playoffs to an inferior team. Does that still mean they are one of the best teams ever to grace the gridiron? Say they lose to the Browns this weekend then win the rest of their games and then go on to win the SB. Then we have to endure hours of wasted airtime on ESPN, and every other sports talk show in America, saying how they almost did it. It seems to me that the media is taking away from the sport by focusing on this WAY too much. Let's be honest, Dallas is playing just as good of football as the Pats are against similar competition. Let's just start giving credit to the teams on a week to week basis. The only focus for anyone, media included, should be your teams next opponent, PERIOD. You can make your predictions for playoffs, champions, and wins/losses, whatever you want, but it's the athletes that go out and play and the coaches who go out and coach. Whatever happens, happens, and then you can give us your worthless criticism after it Sean Salisbury.
And for the record no team will go undefeated, in any professional sport. And lets be honest here, there is so much more that you can talk about in the NFL than that drivel. I mean come on, give some credit to those teams who are doing things that no one thought they would. Take for example: Browns 2-2 after that hard opening schedule, Green Bay going 4-0 without the presence of any running game, Tampa Bay's surprising start at 3-1, and lets not forget about what Vince Young is still doing down in Tennessee.
I'm just sick of worthless arguing for sake of arguing, it's a waste of good radio/tv/internet space. Thats all I have to say. Oh and hey LT, crying in the post game press conference will tarnish your so far great career and get a decent helmet.

Thursday, September 27, 2007
Thursday Night, It's Always 420 In Here, NFL Picks of the Week
Oakland (+5) vs. Miami: I like Oakland because of Culpepper and Lamont. Miami is the new Oakland. Oakland is the new Tennessee.
Houston (-3) vs. Atlanta: Atlanta is by far and away the worst team in the league. They'll win 2 or 3 games this year no more.

Green Bay (-1) vs. Minnesota: For some reason I just didn't feel safe picking GB. They're better defensively (barely) and offensively (significantly) than Minnesota but they just don't seem for real yet. They don't have a running game and Favre blows in domes. But the spread is so low and I feel so underwhelmed by Minny's offense that I just can't pick them.
St. Louis vs. Dallas (-11): This is not a good week to play the Cowboys. If Predator and Bulger were healthy, I'd take St. Louis every time, but they aren't so how 'bout them Cowboys?
NYJ (-2.5) vs. Buffalo: Who cares?
TB (+2.5) vs. Carolina: Carolina is uninspiring especially with David Carr at QB. Even more convinced if Delhomme is out. Plus, TB is this year's Team That Surprises Everyone only to Lose in the First Round by 24.
Seattle (-1) vs. SF: No Gore or VD.
Pittsburgh (-5) vs. Arizona: Fuck the Steelers.
KC vs. SD (-12): You can just smell how pissed off LT is. KC will get torn apart. It will not be pretty.
Denver vs. Indy (-9.5): Old school Peyton ass-whoopin'. Expect at least 300 yards, at least 4 TD's. Champ and Dre can't do squadoosh against Peyton. I heart Peyton.
Philly (-3) vs. NYG: Giants are just too banged up and are facing McNabb at the worst time. Let's have a moment of silence for the plight of the white reciever.
NE (-6) vs. Cincy: You are an idiot if you do not take the Patriots every chance you get. They are a gift.
Baltimore vs. Cleveland (+4.5): Laugh if you must...
Last Week: 8-8
Fantasy STUD of the Week: Roy Williams. Going up against a decimated Bears secondary. Just a case of a terrible matchup coming at the worst time for the Bears. Plus he's really cheap and loves the Transformers. Nothing is funnier than a pro athlete making $1.5 million (that's it? surprising...) being a fuckin' tightwad. Plus, he's a grown ass man as evidenced below.
(HT Orton pic: Deadspin)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Of A Revolution...
Let’s start with the basic technological advances in the original Riddell Revolution helmet. There is a true curved poly-carbonate plastic shell, with four inflation points for inflatable bladder pads inside the helmet itself. There is a piece that wraps around the entire head called the Back, Neck, and Side liner, a crown liner is the pad that sits on the actual head itself, and the jaw pads were replaced with Z-pads. Now the inflation feature for the helmet does not necessarily increase the amount of protection on a players head, it is used more for custom fitting purposes. However, you gots ta think that that air adds some extra protection in one way or another.
Moving on… the helmets true curved shell allows the helmet to deflect any direct impact on the helmet itself. The facemask is fully integrated into the helmet, with rubber grommets that serve as shock absorbers and the mask is integrated to the mandible jaw region of the face. It is that region of the head where 70% of concussions occur, usually resulting from the player’s helmet moving from the optimal position on a player’s head (about one inch above the eyebrows).
Now since the facemask is integrated into the shell of the helmet, it now serves as a major factor in the shock absorption process for the helmet which allows any energy that the true curved shell did not absorb, to be absorbed by the facemask. If there is still any energy that the helmet was not able to deflect and that the facemask was unable to absorb, the rubber grommets will absorb that energy. Sounds good so far right?
Ok, time to talk inside of the helmet a little more. Inside the helmet we already mentioned the 4 inflation points on an Adult Revolution helmet (there are 3 on a youth, the crown liner is not inflatable, but can upgrade to that feature). On the back of everyone’s head there is this little sharp bump. That bump is called the occipital lobe. Now, there is a place in the back of the Revolution helmet cut into the back, neck, and side liner that allows the helmet to lock it into its proper position on the head. This is done by the mid/high hookup on the chin strap. The chin strap locks the helmet in place with the occipital lobe. Also, pretty good huh?
That sounds like a pretty decent helmet to me. Actually, it sounds like a no-brainer to me. All youth football teams should implement rules into their bylaws saying that all players must wear concussion reduction helmets. There is the Riddell Revolution, the Schutt DNA (talk about a piece of Schutt…), and the Champ Pro (no one wears this, well someone has to wear it or they’d go out of business, but no one worthy of noting). Personally, I feel that the only helmet worthy of being called a concussion reducing helmet is the Riddell Revolution.
It really pisses me off that youth organizations try to run these teams by getting them cheap, crappy helmets, based only on one factor: price. Take organization A for example. They are a startup youth football team, in the Pop-Warner Football League. Now, they are not required by the league to purchase any type of equipment, but those who are financing the team say that each player is required to wear some type of concussion reducing helmet. Then let’s take organization B for another example. They are a startup youth football team in the CYO football league. They are part of a local school and they just purchase whatever is the most cost effective purchasing strategy. Which team will be better off?
The teams wear basically the exact same stuff. However, did organization B actually save money? No. Look at it this way: You can get a standard
League Presidents and Athletic Directors, consider your athlete’s futures. Hell the parents would probably give you the extra $30 themselves just to put their son in a better piece of equipment. The National Federation of State High School Associations have revised their policies relating to this, so why don’t you do it too? Let’s admit it, you basically do whatever they do, so why not just setup and do it before someone makes you do it. Show you care, you teach the kids how to play, so let them keep playing.
I just want to conclude this by mentioning some research findings from the